


P.

by chrysoprase



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6175834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrysoprase/pseuds/chrysoprase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pieces I've held in silence for too long about a special person that makes me love this godforsaken world. </p><p>(And some other stuff)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. [1]

The world may be chaotic but, there will always be literature about you made by me.

I have written songs and poems and others yet I kept them in silence for far too long.

But that changes in this very moment.

I don't know if you'll ever find this and I'll be doomed if you do. 

But fuck it. 

Works of art have to be read.

And ever since you became mine and I became yours, I have been a poet (or just a plain writer) that writes about nothing but the one that means the most to her. 

 

 


	2. [2]

I'm neck deep in waters that almost drowned me before and you're all that I'm holding on to.

You're all that's keeping me alive.

So please, I beg you. 

Don't let me go to save someone who already knows how to swim. 

Or to help someone who already has a lifesaver.


	3. [3]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it just gets a little too much.

Is that how much you love the way I act towards sadness and pain?

 

Do you love it so much that **_you'd rather hear my screams of pain than hear the sound of my laughter?_**

 

Do you love it so much that **_you'd rather see me in a pool of my own blood and with cuts on my forearm than see me happy and carefree?_**

 

Do you love it so much that **_you'd rather break me even more than fix what was even left of me?_**

 

I guess so.

 

I always thought you would be the very person who would actually show me that I have a place in this world and that's because you told me that before a million times. You told me I was your escape when you were troubled and I was broken that time. I needed every piece of worship, security, and love you could ever give. I longed for the feeling of being wanted because I was always that person you could easily replace.

 

**_You fixed me._ **

 

But now, I don't know anymore. You're breaking me into even more pieces than before. You're making me see that believing in whatever you said was a mistake. I was **_never_** beautiful or important or any of that shit to begin with and if I was, how are you so happy when I'm nowhere near or when I'm drowning in the waters that almost drowned me before? I thought you would help me breathe but you're just standing there with the others. Taunting me with the fact that I can't pull myself up out of life's misery. I thought you would come to the rescue when I would scream out for help but in the end you only got irritated and angry because I created too much noise.

 

And I needed you but I guess **_I'm nothing but shit_.** I'm a total wreck without you but you look fine without me anyways so why even bother. I love you so much and you used to tell me that so often but now, you don't. And it pains me whenever you don't say it back but I guess I have to withstand the pain and pretend to be fine since I don't want to lose you. In a span of how many months, you made me feel a shit ton of stuff like love, pain, bliss, sadness, heartbreak, happiness, and more. The list could go on really but the most there is happiness. Yes, there are rocky times but, I get through that shit because I know the pain would be worth it.

 

I know you would be worth it. I truly love you and with that, I'm here to stay. Even if you break me into a million pieces. I would stay to help you stand back on your feet when you have fallen because that's what you do for the person you love, right? You would stay even if it meant that your heart would get beaten and bruised and your dignity would be nothing but shattered pieces scattered on the floor.

 

And that's what I'll do. Because every time I tell you that I love you, it's true because why would I even say it if it weren't?

 

So through thick and thin, and in sadness and in pain, I'm here to stay for you, my dear.

 

Because _**I love you**._


	4. [4]

I don't get you sometimes.

 

I'm here to help you.

 

But why do you lean on someone else's shoulder

 

And get angry because you claim I don't give a shit?

 

When I said I'm here I meant it.

 

You've helped me conquer some of my demons

 

So why not let me help you conquer yours?

 

I don't get you

 

And or feelings.

 

I never liked feelings

 

But you make me feel all of them at once.


	5. [5]

Do I still make you happy?

 

I am I still the one you would call as your escape?

 

Or have I failed?

 

I don't know anymore

 

The demons won again.

 

I never stood a chance.

 

Why is it so hard to keep your happiness from fading?

 

All I ask for is to be happy 

 

And for everything to be alright

 

Is that too much to ask for?

 

Do the demons in our heads always have to win? 

 

Why can't we win?

 

Why?

 


	6. [6] Would you save me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made this a long time ago. Enjoy whatever this may be.

_She was happy and full of glee_

_But what’s real is what you can’t see_

_She paints red with a brush that’s silver_

_After every stroke, she goes deeper_

_No one knew that she could draw or paint_

_But if you see her paintings, you would faint_

_Unlike you, she doesn’t paint on a canvas or a wall_

_She paints on her wrist with beads of red that fall_

_The beads fall and splatter on the ground_

_One day, that’s where she will be found_

_On the ground with red spilled everywhere_

_And with eyes that blankly stare_

_But who will find her?_

_Who will rescue her?_

_No one since no one heard her silent cries_

_Because everything you know about her are lies_

_Remember the time that you saw her cry?_

_She desperately wanted to die_

_Yet she told you she was just stressed_

_But truth is, she was already depressed_

_“Who is this girl?” you ask_

_She’s the girl that wears a smile but it’s a mask_

_She’s the girl who laughs but inside she’s crying_

_She’s also the girl that’s often bleeding_

_Everyday, happiness is what you see from her_

_But please, I beg you to look closer_

_Look closely at the part of her arm that you missed_

_And see the deep and endless lines on her wrist_

_Please do something to save this girl_

_Because for others, she’s as precious as a pearl_

_Make her realize that she’s not worthless_

_That her life is not a mess_

_Now that you’ve read this piece_

_Would you do something about her pleas?_

_Would you save her when she screams “Somebody please save me”?_

_Answer me when I ask, would you save me?_


	7. [7]

It'll be hard to ket you go but as of now it seems as if it's the only thing I have to do. 

 

You have to be happy because you deserve it and happiness is what you can't get from being with me. It was wrong of you to choose me instead of her because your best friend is worth a lot more than me. 

 

I can be easily replaced but she can't be. There's only one of her in your life and you'll be able to find someone better than me and someone you actually deserve and someone who can make you happy. 

 

You may find another queen and let her take my place but please know, that no one can and no one will ever replace you. It is only you who I'll call my king even though I have no right to be called the queen anymore. 

 

A special place in my heart is reserved for you, my dear.

 

Always and forever, I'll welcome you with open arms.

 

Because I love you. 


	8. [8]

Don't say goodbye when I'm not even finished at saying hello :(


	9. [9]

Here I am having trouble studying because I miss you so much yet I don't know if you feel the same way. 

I'm unstable without you but you look completely fine without me and that's making me break even more. 

I told myself that I would be ready for the day that I will somehow have to let you go but, I don't think I'm strong enough to do so. 

I hate the feeling of being empty because you haven't been okay with the person who's important to you. 

I hate it so much.


End file.
